Saturday, April 10, 2010

In the Spirit of Innovation

Economic Downturn Suggestion Number Two: The ten percent of unemployed Americans should work on new inventions. Something that would revolutionize our world like the automobile, the phone, chocolate, or Friends. I mean how did we ever get by without Ross and Rachel?

I suggest inventing not only because it could be lucrative, but because I can't remember the last significant contribution to society. Was it the internet? Cell phones? And after the invention of computers and cell phones, hasn't every successive advancement been about one of those two things? Now our cell phones can play music, movies, and chess; they can take pictures, videos, and your temperature; they give you directions, suggestions, and haircuts. Cell phones are so capable that I'm not sure why we aren't electing them to congress. You know, like the Nokia N900 Smartphone from the eleventh district of Ohio proposes we take the next exit to Afghanistan, then a right onto Sandstorm Street.

But our inventors have been distracted by phones and computers and still haven't gotten around to getting us those flying cars that seemed like such a sure thing in every old movie that flashed forward into the twenty-first century. And what about teleportation? Have we made any progress there? I just think that while so many folks are at home, waiting for Obama to create a job stimulus that actually works, someone could come up with a washing machine that will go into your room and sort the clothes in your hamper and then start itself up. Needless to say, if it could do that, it could also put the clothes in the dryer. At which point, why not get the dryer to fold them and put them away? And can someone please invent a space-calorie continuum that allows a person to eat at the Cheesecake Factory without gaining five pounds?

Despite what you see on QVC, not everyone is cut out to be an inventor. If your ideas are of the okra storage or upside down rotating clock varieties, better keep job hunting and leave the inventing to the Thomas Edison types. But if you have an idea for, say, a swimsuit that makes us all look like Gisele, go for it!

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