Ready for A Killing Rampage

I know you’re supposed to wash delicates by hand, but I had several pair of tights and hosiery piled up from me and the girls and I thought surely, I could do a tiny cold water delicate load in the washer with these and save myself some work.  Some people are just natural born corner cutters.  Well, it didn’t work out.  Now I have a knot situation that a group of trained sailors would tremble in the face of.

That’s not even the first laundry lesson I learned this year.  Which is strange because laundry is one of the housewife things I’ve always excelled at.  It’s not like hearing new tips on gardening, where I have to admit any tip would be a new tip. 

A couple of weeks ago, when my friend’s parents were in town, I was in a discussion with her and her mother about my friend's new Rolls Royce style washing machine.  It’s shiny and beautiful and way smarter than a fifth grader.  I can’t even look my own washer in the eye now that I’ve seen hers.  Her mom was telling me that when she used it, she accidentally set it to the super cold cycle, which she didn’t need to do because she “didn’t have bloodstains on her clothes.”  Huh?

The conversation moved forward without me.  I was stuck wondering if she misspoke and meant the super hot cycle.  If I ever don’t understand something, I ask questions.  Wait.  That’s a pretty outrageous lie.  Sorry.  If I ever don’t understand something that isn’t related to math, science, or computers, I ask questions.

“Why would you wash bloodstains in super cold water?” I asked her.  My friend and her mother looked at me like I asked “Why would you wash your hands?”  Whatever the answer was, it was supposed to be obvious.  I started quickly flipping through blood related files in my head….blood is thicker than water, “The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants.” – Thomas Jefferson, Blue Bloods comes on Friday nights at ten?.....A whole Thomas Jefferson quote, but nothing on bloodstains and cold water.

They explained that you’re supposed to get out bloodstains by washing in cold water.  I wondered how they knew that and I didn’t.  Their mothers were better than mine?  Sorry, Mom, but clearly I could’ve been going on messy killing sprees if you’d taught me the proper way to wash clothes! 

Or maybe they just read the stain remover bottles?  Not me.  I read novels and magazines and poetry, but rarely do I read directions.  I should, I guess, because if there’s valuable information like that on there, I need to know.  I’m responsible for Reckless’ laundry.  I threw out her entire outfit after her bike accident, and my husband’s shirt too.  I got mine clean after two washes, but maybe if I’d done the cold water trick, I’d be telling a different tale here.  Maybe it’d be more interesting than a silly blog about laundry lessons.

But hopefully you learned something.  Maybe you already knew not to put hosiery in the washing machine and to get blood stains out with cold water, but how many of you knew that Thomas Jefferson quote?  If you majored in English and minored in History you knew it, and you probably do laundry every day too instead of holding down a real job.